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Messages - Neckbeard

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16
General Banter / Re: The 'Official' ACE Thread!
« on: October 10, 2012, 08:35:54 PM »
Seth Wolzen aced 13 long straight Down Under today.lefty backhand with a Challenger.A truly beautiful putter ace witnessed by Corey D,Craig Loonis,Neckbeard, and Telly the dog.

17
General Banter / Re: copyright 66 Frisbees
« on: October 08, 2012, 02:44:05 PM »
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I happened across a small treasure of Frisbees.

Do tell us more Glover. Were there booby traps? Was the treasure guarded by a dragon? I am so intrigued right now, awesome cliffhanger!

18
I don't often feel badly about causing thread drift but in this case, I apologize, Mr. Parker. it appears I have created another lifelong Neckbeard fan in the meanwhile...

The club championships is an awesome event and I really do wish I was around to participate. I still use my 2008 "D" flight champion Roc on a daily basis (to roll fatties)

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nascar racing is one reason gasoline prices are so high. besides stimulating the economy of indigenously depressed areas and providing entertainment for the illiterate, nascar contributes to both air and noise pollution. having to decide between the club championships or nascar races is surely a burden for the unenlightened this season, so i will ask the dalai lama to pray for them. fyi: they'll all be at the same place during the same time and it will be noisy.


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Man Jami, Im not exceptionally hip to Mr. lama but I think he said that we should practice love and understanding to all, instead of prejudice.


THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: PLEASE HAVE YOUR NASCAR FAN SPAYED OR NEUTERED.



I sure wish I could play in the club championships, but I am flying back to KC just to attend this NonAthleticSportCenteredAroundRednecks event. I mean, who WOULDN'T want pay $100 to sit around drinking sh*tty beer all day watching cars go around in circles with tens of thousands of racist retards? It is SO awesome!!!

FYI I was going to apologize in advance if this offends anyone, but then I re-read Danger's post and was reminded that the people who would be most offended cannot read anyways, and would probably just see the picture of the car crashing above and pop a joy boner.

Next time you are going to watch NASCAR, do yourself a favor, and go play disc golf instead.

(if you are one of the 2% of NASCAR fans who is NOT mentally challenged, illiterate, or racist, then wtf are you doing?)

20
General Banter / Re: wtf
« on: September 14, 2012, 09:15:13 AM »
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dclabe

    Guest

Re: Pleasant Hill League
« Reply #196 on: May 18, 2009, 10:41:35 AM »

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Pleasant Hill League, Sunday 5/17 (Sunny 68 degrees, South - Southwest wind 5 -8 mph)

Fourteen players out for League at Lake Shore on a crystal clear day.  Moved pins on #8 and #14 before league.  Well, this one is all about Leo/Ted.....who obliterated the field by 7 strokes. :o  On a perfect day for disc golf they brought their "A" game and in the process set a new course record of 41. :P To be honest, with the current course configuration, I didn't think that there were 13 birdies out there.....a couple of the highlights from their round, birdied #16 from about 80', then followed it with the first birdie during league on #17 from about 100'.

Leo DaPrato
Brian Palmer
Bill Neenan
Caleb Coffman
Brandon Elkins
Will Love
Matt Fox
   Ted Keith
Dan Coffman
Spencer W
Doug Kroll
Leslie Palmer
Aaron Morris
Shane Dierson
   41
48
50
50
53
53
55
   $42.00
$28.00






Next weekend league will be noonthirty Sunday 5/24 at Lake Shore, hope to see you there....if you have questions about league give me a call at 816-210-1063.
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Keizer

    Guest

Re: Pleasant Hill League
« Reply #197 on: May 18, 2009, 12:48:20 PM »

    Quote

That's just not right, even for best-shot dubs! Fine job, fellas!
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Spencer

    Guest

Re: Pleasant Hill League
« Reply #198 on: May 18, 2009, 01:04:59 PM »

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Had a BLAST at my first round at Pleasant Hill!!! Although the golf and beautiful lake/course were definately a plus, the highlight came while I was warming up on hole #3 prior to league.  I was teeing off when a guy came walking across the fairway with a CHIMPANZEE on a leash! As if that wasn't strange enough, as i walked down the fairway the thing came running towards me. After the handler convinced me he was just a baby and wouldn't bite my face off the thing climbed up me and didn't want to let go. Talk about a weird occurrence at the golf course! Anyways, I believe that getting a hug from "Joey" the Chimp gave me some good luck, as we finished our doubles round on #3 and I was able to make my only good putt of the day for a 30-35' birdie. All I can say is Monkey Karma ;D


Actually Doug, you were there. The original thread is above. It happened in May, BEFORE your 3 month absence, a.k.a. the best 3 months of my phill disc golf life. So like Sir Brian Palmer said, lighten up Francis. Also, weren't the official First and Second Battles of Fallujah in 2004? Did they send you in 5 years later to annoy all the surviving terrorists to death? If so I am surprised any of them survived

Wait! there is more......

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEO MAY MAKE YOU LAUGH (unless you are Steeler Doug)
Steelers Suck It - 100.7 The Bay in Baltimore

21
General Banter / Re: Down Under Thanks
« on: September 12, 2012, 09:56:20 PM »
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I never said when it happened. It's true though.

Seriously, Don? So some day years ago I was playing a round while you were working and I didn't halt my round to help...who gives a sh*t? How do you know what I had going on that day? Just because you decided to play in the garbage that day didn't make every person who walked by obligated to help. I did course work when I was there-I carried buckets full of sand down to those DU tee boxes, I carried out garbage, and I do a sh*t ton of work up here in Vermont where it is really needed in a small golf community-so take your self righteous bullsh*it elsewhere. I was just poking fun at a poor choice of words you picked, Glover-don't accuse me of being a lazy f*cker who doesn't help on the courses I love so much. I'll tell you what-I am gonna be in KC for ONE day in a month on my way to a music festival, and I am going to play down under, and THEN I am going to carry garbage sacks out. On my vacation. Because I still love KC and DU is the first course I ever played in 97' and I love it dearly. Okay, Stevie???

22
General Banter / Re: Down Under Thanks
« on: September 12, 2012, 08:26:55 PM »
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I wouldn't point this out normally but you walked right by me without offering help.

Are you saying that there is a Neckbeard impersonator in Kansas City? Last time I checked I am 1500 miles away from Down Under, DonG lover. So quit accusing me of not helping and continue "doing it by yourself"

I see you deleted your post already, Glover. Don't worry I got you quoted ;)

23
General Banter / Re: Down Under Thanks
« on: September 12, 2012, 06:53:47 PM »
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I know what its like doing it by yourself.

I'm sure you are rather used to "doing it by yourself" by now, Glover ;D

24
General Banter / Re: wtf
« on: September 12, 2012, 06:49:42 PM »
That's frightening-but my animal experience there was truly terrifying... the first time I ever played PHILL in 2009 I got charged by a screaming bare-chested chimpanzee wearing blue pants. The thing was 30 feet up in a tree on #3 and when it saw me it clammered down the trunk 30' and covered 50' of open ground, all in about 4 seconds flat, all the while screaming monkey jibberish at me. Like you, I also about sh*t my pants hard. At the time I had no idea there was an exotic animal park next door. Turns out his name was Joey and he was a sweetheart. When he reached me he crawled up my body like a tree and gave me a big hug-then he just stared at me and wouldn't let go. This was a few weeks after that famous chimp attack in Cali where the chimp ate the face and hands off his owner-so I was a little concerned having Joey 3 inches from my face, but then his trainer ran up and reassured me that Joey wasn't going to mutilate me. It was a really bizarre experience.

25
Tournaments / Re: East vs West Team Championship
« on: September 07, 2012, 11:59:34 PM »
Team East is gonna get smoked in a few hours. I'm calling the Free State wins 6 of 8 dubz matches over those Miseryans.  So sayeth Neckbeard.

26
General Banter / Re: Worlds Picks 2012
« on: July 23, 2012, 07:31:56 PM »
Humble got married last year but I could not attend due to my move. I have not spoken to him or heard a thing about him in about a year and a half. It's my theory that his bride made him sign a prenuptial agreement never to play disc golf or communicate with dirty neckbeards ever again. Or maybe both his arms fell off. All I know is that I miss beating him at golf.

27
General Banter / Re: Worlds Picks 2012
« on: July 23, 2012, 06:11:17 PM »
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dear neckbeard - please tell us a Humble story, please.

okay.



Once upon a time in a wonderful place called Killer City there lived a young, ghostly pale skinned man by the name of Matthew Humble. With flaming red hair and self-proclaimed “broad, muscular shoulders”, the only thing that rivaled Matthew’s pride and love of himself was his ridiculous 500 foot flick bombs. But despite his uncanny natural ability to throw the flying disc farther than all the other Killer Citian’s, Humble was unable to accomplish the one thing that mattered most…complete a tournament without sh*tting in his pants.  Time after filthy time, right when it appeared to all that Matthew had achieved victory on the field of disc, the flick- launching phenom would abruptly run to his car and flee the scene quicker than a Feeler Doug fist pump after a Ben Roethlisberger rape acquittal.  Everyone thought it was nerves, or possibly a sneeb overdose, but in fact Matthew Humble was hiding a dirty, disgusting secret-he was a habitual panty pooper.

One sunny, summer afternoon our proud, ginger hero began a round at infamous Rosedale park with one of his signature 500’ hyzer missiles. To his chagrin; however, Matthew suddenly realized that the pin was located a mere 300’ from the tee box.  Head hanging low, he trekked beyond the basket towards the deep, dark shadowy woods.

“I don’t like the look of these trees, who knows what terrors exist at the heart of this forest,” Matt muttered to himself.

He could feel his guts bubbling at the very thought of entering the dark abyss, but leaving one of his precious Ice Bowl Flicks to whatever lurked in those woods was not an option, so reluctantly he entered.  Surprisingly, a shiny yellow staircase greeted him, and he began his descent into the unknown. After a few steps Humble stopped and sniffed the air:

“What is that strange smell? I haven’t quite soiled my pantaloons yet, but it kind of smells like a dirty baby diaper. Or perhaps more like a skunk. Quite curious, indeed.”  Matt whispered.

As he rounded the slight bend he saw two shadowy figures, cloaked in a large cloud of sneeb smoke.

“Ho, who goes there?” cried one of the mysterious men, leaping to his feet and into attack position.

“My name is Matthew Humble, and I am on a quest to find my Ice Bowl Flick.” He replied nervously.

“Ah indeed, you are on a grave and perilous quest.” replied the man who remained seated, still blanketed by the thick, sweet smelling smoke.  “But your TRUE quest has been revealed to me by these woods, and it is they who brought you to me.”

“Wh…wh..who are you?” stammered the tall, pale ginger.

“Do not fear, for I am here to guide you. I am Neckbeard, and I live in these woods Down Under the city that you call home.  Please excuse my friend Craig Loonis here, he is somewhat of a gigantic pussy. Sit your lazy, slug ass down, Loonis, before you frighten our new friend here!”

Loonis quickly sat his lumpy, pear-shaped body down on a fallen log, obeying his superior’s command without hesitation. 

“I do not understand what any of this means,” declared a puzzled Humble.

“Of course you do.” replied the Neckbeard. “You came to me because you keep crapping in your pants, I could smell the foul feces from a mile away.”

Ashamed that this bearded stranger knew his secret, Matthew simply hung his large, oversized cranium to the earth and began to weep uncontrollably. Wave after wave of uncontrollable sobs racked his tall, gingery frame. Snot, spit, tears, piss, and feces pored from every body orifice in an atrocious display of weakness.

“ENOUGH!” screamed Neckbeard.  “I haven’t seen a b%tch cry like this since Feeler Doug got fired from his position as president of the Ben Roethlisberger fan club for sniffing boy’s bicycle seats at the local playground.  I can help you with your defecation disorder, but first you have to trust me. Do you TRUST ME?”

“I will do whatever it takes to stop sh*tting my britches, I trust the wise and all-knowing beard.” Proclaimed Matthew Humble.

“Very good, VERY good indeed” snickered the facebeard as he rubbed his hands together slowly with a devilish grin slowly spreading across his wooly neck. “Then come closer, inhale this sneeb smoke, and all shall be revealed.”

The fire-crotched man-child stepped towards the bearded enigma hesitantly, all the while keeping the corner of his eye on the shady Loonis character, who himself seemed to be trying to hide an evil smirk.  Loonis leaned forward and spread his weak, child-like arm in front of Humble.

“That is close enough, Ginger.” Now breathe deeply from the sneeb stem and the Neckbeard will reveal all to you,” whispered Craig Loonis.

Humble breathed deeply, and immediately the world around him began to melt away. Craig Loonis began cackling hysterically, the kind of psychotic, menacing laughter only a movie villain would make. To his horror, Humble realized that his limbs were paralyzed. He was frozen in place, as the insane Loonis laughter grew louder and louder, echoing through his brain.  The trees closed in all around him, the sneeb smoke grew thicker and thicker, turning black and obscuring everything else except for the Neckbeard’s smiling face. At that moment the Beard reached out a calloused, dirty hand from within his golf robes and revealed a smoky green glass mini. He held the mystical mini up towards the terrorized Humble’s face until it was merely inches away.

“Look into the glass Humble, for within it lies your destiny, “ whispered the ManBeard sadistically.

 As time and space transfixed into one, Humble gazed uncontrollably into the evil-looking artifact. Suddenly, to his uttermost horror, Humble realized that he was no longer looking INTO the glass mini.  He was looking OUT of it, up towards two giant, laughing men sitting in a forest.  But no sound could be heard other than his own screams.  He cried for help, but the mouse like sound simply echoed throughout his tiny new prison.  He was trapped! What evil sorcery had this Neckbeard cast upon him? This HAD to be a nightmare, but as the seconds and minutes passed, he did not awake, and quickly realized that he would spend an eternity in this place, never to throw another flick again.

“HAHAHA what an idiot!” guffawed Craig Loonis, after shanking a pathetic drive into the first tree off #1’s tee box.

“I know,” replied the Neckface, as he effortlessly tossed his 2009 World’s Special Edition Z Drone within three feet of the pin. “didn’t his mother ever teach him…..NEVER trust a Neckbeard!”

The End

28
General Banter / Re: Worlds Picks 2012
« on: July 22, 2012, 02:03:27 PM »
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I'm not sure what this message means, perhaps someone can explain it to me:

This is from steeler Doug...

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Feeler Doug- it's painfully obvious that YOU have the mind of a child and suffer from mild retardation

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Doug-you are an un-educated dipsh*t.

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Actually Doug, what would suck is being a half-retarded, bald ugly douchebag who cries and pouts during golf rounds like a stupid little b%tch (Named feeler doug)

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Actually Doug we all learned that in the 4th grade...I know you still remember how to ACT like a 4th grader but apparently the grammar lessons eluded you

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I thought we had all moved past the Doug thing.  No need to call him a Big loser.

I can think of a dickhead way to say it...oh wait...apparently I already found multiple dickhead ways to say it years ago...let's look back and reminisce...


29
I found your disc! It is super hot way down here though and I am afraid it has melted. PM me if you want it back- Al Davis

30
Found and Lost / Re: "Big Wave" Dave's STOLEN bag
« on: April 05, 2012, 05:34:11 PM »
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I only had 3 beers the whole round

Sounds like it was the 17 beers BEFORE the round that sealed your bag's fate ;D  Hope you get it back!

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